I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
