i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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