Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
