She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
cat food counts as protein by the way
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
