There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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