How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
