Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
