Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
