Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Randomize
