I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
