i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Randomize
