I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
