Just mADE A PArabola og urine
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
