he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize