Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
