quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
