we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
