I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
