yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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