dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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