Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
