I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
