dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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