Porn is love you can see.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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