so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
