dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
