Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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