I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you traded sex for a burrito?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
