Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
