some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
