Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
