i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
