i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
