I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize