I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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