he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
