butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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