Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize