its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
