Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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