Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
