im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
