Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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