I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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