he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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