just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
