I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
