I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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