this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
