hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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