Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize