Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
