the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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