Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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