you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My feet surprised me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
