We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
