I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
