I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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