But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
