I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
