I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We just shotgunned beers for America
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
