I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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