Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
