his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
