Who did Billy Mays play for?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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