so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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