you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
