Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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