Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
