Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
