I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
