Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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