Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
