hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
