trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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