Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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