I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
