he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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