you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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