Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
