need another drink. this is the easiest way
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
