So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
