i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
