somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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