evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
