Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
