Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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