Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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