Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
