Fine. I'll sleep in my office
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize