Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
