im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
