I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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