Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
